You know, time is an asshole
Something all us fall chickens know
He's been messing with my body for years
Started fucking with my mind not too long ago

And his sense of humor's like a tumor
To a humble servant like me
You know, I used to be sharp as a goddamn tack
Now my memory is just a memory

And all he likes to do all day is remind me I should have cared
Back when not caring was in style
And he's been pushing me to some big ol' cliff
When all I'd like to do is just sit still for a little while
You know time, he sho'nuff is a motherfucker

I caught a glimpse of myself in the nude by mistake last night
May not be cause for alarm yet, but let's just say it weren't a pretty sight
And I could read you a list of my afflictions
But then we'd never get around to discussin'
What we ought to be focusing on
I just wish I knew what time The Simpsons came on

And it's every fucking day, another insult to absorb
One more small loss of dignity
And, what the hell, now where's my watch?
Shit, you ain't worn a watch in years
Hell, I don't need your sympathy
You know time, he sho'nuff is a motherfucker

I don't know about you, cuz
But some days I'm near as good as I ever was
That must be because you weren't much to begin with
Yeah, well who asked you? Why don't you mind your damn business?
Why can't you leave my illusions in tact?
What's causing this pain in my lower back?
You know I used to be an athlete back when I was young
Yeah, was that when you were getting down to Wang Chung?

And all he likes to do all day is remind me I should have cared
Back when not caring was in style
And he's been getting in my face
Lately, he's been rubbing it in
Can I just rest here for a while?
You know time, he sho'nuff is a motherfucker